He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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