how can u be prego again
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
