the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my liver is dry heaving
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
