when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
