so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
sex in a hospital.. check
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize