i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
