PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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