'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
