My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
