all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
