I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
