He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
