The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
