The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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