I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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