I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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