I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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