I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
