): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
