she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize