I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
