Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
