i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
