I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
