She's JV to your varsity
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
