I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
