We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
