Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
