I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
