I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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