i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize