Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
