just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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