Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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