He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
