is your mom at the bar?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
