i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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