Swine flu. Run for my life!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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