So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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