Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
