im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
