so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
