So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
