Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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