Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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