Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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