hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
