Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
