I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
