New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
