I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
