White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
