party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just gargled with NyQuil
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
