problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
