did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize