Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
