Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize