I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
