Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
