You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
