I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
