How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
