And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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