Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Boobs are out for the taking
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
