Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
