i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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