69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
