its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize