Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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