I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
