my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
