I'm really into asian looking animals
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
