Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize