Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
