just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
