I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
