Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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