rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
