Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he thought i was a dude.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
