Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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