no, he came in my armpit
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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