Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
