my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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