I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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