Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
