I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How external is "for external use only"?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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