we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Where are you guys?
Drunk
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize