We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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