woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
