last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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