I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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