They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
