Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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