we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
