I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
