There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
