Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
