I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
