@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
