Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
