I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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