they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
