Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize