Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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