It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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