If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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