if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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