Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
