Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
