office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize