All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
